Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Plastic Craptastic

One of my favorite hobbies is searching the internet for disgusting photos of people that have had really bad plastic surgery..It fascinates me how truly shiteous some of these people have made themselves look..Basically paying thousands of dollars to look like a freakshow. Most of these people are celebrities, and I know Hollywood is competitive, and women especially need to compete with other, younger women for roles..So they try to stay young looking as long as they possibly can. But I guess plastic surgery is addictive and they begin to lose sight of what they are slowly morphing into..Nasty breast implants scare me the most. If you get a bad boob job, the breast can get a "ripple effect" like Courtney Love's have..or they can grow together so you look like you have one big boob-with the implant shifting back and forth..Most implants look very fake anyway like you have these hard bagels bolted onto your chest..

Anyway, these pictures speak for themselves. We have Courtney Love happily flashing her creepy, ripply boobie, Vivica Fox with some weird dent, some anorexic 90 year old lady, Amanda Lepore- the kinda awesomely scary barbie wannabee transsexual whom I see around town all the time, Tori Spelling with some indented cleavage, some random monster breasts, and my fave..Jocelyn Wildenstein the socialite who has been trying to turn herself into a cat for ages now..

ENJOY ALL THE SEXINESS!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I Cried When I Wrote This Blog...

Well, we cancelled the show in Tompkins Square Park that was set for tomorrow..The weather authorities predict rain on and off all day. Bah..If a Steely Dan cover band was playing i'd bet the rain wouldn't fall..Speaking of, I have come to the conclusion that the song Deacon Blues is possibly the most ANNOYING song ever written..With lyrics like "make love to these women-languid and bittersweet" and "I cried when I wrote this song, sue me if I play to long," I'm just not sure any song can top this in terms of bringing me to extreme fits of anger. Of course, I don't need to listen to the song every day like I have been..This could solve the anger and annoyance problem..But I can't seem to stop!I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!!

I suspect there is a deeper conspiracy going on here than I am aware of. I'm vaguely aware that Steely Dan was formed to drive me slowly insane..but there are dark forces at work here...WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!

Either that, or all the Nyquil I drank 20 minutes ago is kicking in..Nighty night!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Pee Phone: Still Gross Yet Sexy as Hell!

Well, as you can see the Pee Phone is as nasty as ever! Resplendent with urine, what looks to be feces, leftover food, puke..and as my friend Crazy Jay pointed out-it seems to have a noose now so you can kill yourself there if you feel the urge! He's only pretending to be strangling in that pic so don't worry..The Pee Phone just seems to be coming apart at the seams..some random piece of its structure fell off and has been lying there for days now. I don't think anyone has cleaned this phone for well over a week. Is the Pee Phone doomed? Do I want to live in a world where the Pee Phone is obsolete? I can't think about it!!!....SOB...Well, at least the phone seems to be pro-gay marriage. Some couple should have their wedding in it before the damn thing implodes in on itself.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Dance Parade party at Tompkins...

Well, I got out of the house too late today to catch the annual Dance Parade, but it didn't matter anyway since they all ended up at Tompkins Square Park getting their freak on..It was pretty entertaining..all sorts of dance groups performed and mingled with the park regulars..Women in striped wormy suits were wiggling around the chess tables where the drunk usually hang, half naked men wandered around on stilts, hula hoops were in abundance, and all sort of dances were being done on the main stage and in every corner of the park. The regular noisemakers were all giddy with excitement..The Hare Krishnas were chanting with a fervor i've never heard before...and that annoying marching band that is there every single fucking day even had a fan! A shirtless wingnut danced madly to them for hours! They played even better than Steely Dan on 'ludes..

Then it all gave me a headache so I went to Ray's and drank tea..Next week, John and I will be playing in Tompkins on sunday as part of the Old Time Hootenanny..I hope some drag queens show up and shake what their mama's gave them.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Oh, just some crap...

Well, John and I were both sick on my birthday which sucked but I got me a tiny pink acer laptop as a gift that I have no idea how to use! But I can take it when we travel and be on-line everywhere..Yay! Her name is Minnie. I can tell that my love for her shall grow..Here are some pics I just have on my computer..First there is Helen a friendly neighbor always on Avenue A walking her dog. She is really sweet and always has some crazy get-up on..Hence, the pink pants, pink socks, and yes, a viking hat! C'mon-she's awesome!

Then we have to note that Ray is now selling smoothy's! I haven't had one yet, but I certainly will soon..Though Tamarindo is not listed as a flavor like it is on his eggcream list. Oh well..life just ain't never perfect. Then that fancy Indian desert is what I ate at Tabla, a swanky place where the swells all go..we didn't see any celebrities like my mom had hoped. Though this guy who I love from The Wire now goes to my gym. He played Ziggy, one of the best characters in the show.

Then I snapped my mom posing on Madison Avenue. She told me not to put it on the internet but there it is...Last, I like this weird blurry pic John took of me touching the fake snake that's wrapped around Priscilla, the torso I found on the street. There's just something about severed torsos, huh?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I'm old and I'm in a band.

Well, thursday is my birthday and I won't mention my age because a real lady never does..but let's just say that I had to clean cobwebs out of my vajayjay today..Just kidding! That's kind of nasty-think I'll delete it..On second thought I'm old now so I'm not really responsible for my actions..so I'll leave it. It's been kind of a birthday week for me..getting random gifts here and there which is nice! I saw three movies this week too..Wolverine, which I found boring and just really nothing special. Anvil, which was great, and sort of depressing. It got John and I talking about people who are almost kind of famous and while we were speaking about this we walked right by Sanjaya from American Idol. That was a bit ironic..Then tonite we saw Star Trek which I really liked! I am not a big fan of the show in any of its forms, but you don't need to be to see this. I guess the trekkies are in an uproar about this film, but I liked it. Way better than Wolverine that's for darn tootin'!

Anyway, I got some pics taken by the Regal Cinema birthday table which I found funny for some reason..This sad, little glittery table all festooned with shiny crap and nobody sitting at it. When I crawled underneath of it, I think people walking by assumed you get a stripper at your Regal party-Who knows? Maybe you do! An old stripper!

Anyway, here's some band stuff..We are playing this Friday the 15th at Jalopy as part of their 3 day Brooklyn Folk Festival. It's $10.00 admission..we open the festival at 8:45 p.m....

Also, if you've ever desired some pink East River String Band thongs and other merch like t-shirts, hats, etc..Now all your dreams have come true! Because you can buy all the crap you want HERE!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Why is my cat retarded?

Okay, this is kind of funny but not really when you get three hours sleep..But John bought new sheets for us the other night and this has thrown my insane mexican cat Delgado into some kind of psychotic breakdown from which he may never recover from. I'm fucking serious! When we put the new sheets on at night he kind of stared at them and his eyes got bigger and bigger. Then he approached them and sniffed them for a minute..I guess cats are like dogs..they want their scent on all the stuff they see as theirs. Our dog Junior used to get really depressed when we washed his doggy bed and his scent was gone from it. Delgado started going mental..rolling in the damn sheets..biting them, ripping them apart with his claws. Our other cat Harlequinn who hates him even got into the act..racing around like a maniac all over the sheets..They kept John up all night in their sheet induced frenzied partying...It went on for hours and no matter how I tried to stop it..it was useless. Delgado would calm down for a bit-then notice the new sheets again and start meowing at the top of his lungs..I thought John was going to chuck him out the window.

Tonite I pulled the bed out extra early to give them time to get it out of their systems..Sure enough, Del freaked out again on the sheets for about two hours..I took some pics and now they are both passed out exhausted from sheet ecstasy. If Delgado would let anyone touch him besides me, I would consider paying for therapy for him. Imagine if I put the new sheets in his litter box? Made little kitty curtains for the cat box, with a matching area rug. It might just permanently BLOW HIS MIND!!!!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

It Takes An East Village

Well, spring has sprung and there's all kinds of shit going down around town these days..Girls are wearing much less clothing now that it's warm and guys seem pretty happy about this..Buttocks and boobies are out in abundance. There's so much stuff happening...all sorts of street fairs, art performances, people playing instruments in the park and all around town..plus the number of lunatics around the village and lower east side has suddenly doubled..Wingnuts are EVERYWHERE especially in Tompkins Square Park it seems..I can't count or remember all the people i've seen running around the park just yelling their heads off and generally freaking out.

I didn't take any photos of these people because I value my life, but I have some shots of other stuff..Like Lindy Loo at Banjo Jim's hosting her monthly night..She is quite a character..part Bette Middler, part Dolly Parton..I dunno..She sings well and when she takes off her fancy hat she has an even smaller one on underneath it...Now, that's one sassy lass! I really like this lady..

At Tompkins, some girls hung some silk ropes from a tall tree in the park and did acrobatics and circus-type stuff on them all afternoon..That tree is pretty tall too..If they had fallen and blood came gushing out I like to think that I'd have run over to help before snapping a pic..but who knows? I like to think a lot of things! For instance, I like to believe that my own farts smell like delicious raspberry tarts!

Then today my friend and longtime LES resident Jimmy The Greek sang on second avenue with a church choir..Apparently this church accepts all members of any faith-as long as you are not anti-community. Jimmy was in the back so it was hard to get a shot of him. Also, the Bodies of Pyongyang were performing in their clear cube at Tompkins..They try to raise awareness about women's issues in North Korea. It was kind of creepy seeing all those masked women trying to escape from the cube. Well, that horror movie CUBE was a lot creepier really I guess. A small dog stared at them for a while in utter confusion.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I Learn to Work the Saxophone..I Play Just What I Feel.

Why can't I get freaking Steely Dan out of my head? Grrr...Here are some random photos of random stuff that I put up randomly. How random can you get? Only Steely Dan knows..First we have a friendly looking cute little doll at Csquat..She needs a hug! Then we have Nico de Gallo holding up an even stranger doll she found somewhere..must be someone's art project or something. Or Reese's new promotional campaign.

Then there is the Csquat band Pigshit Engine..Great name and as part of their merch they made some pink Pigshit Panties! Just in time for mother's day! I got a pic of Jerry the Peddler at Csquat underneath them..And if you were planning to rush to the pharmacy on east 5th st. and buy some ninja's then you're shit out of luck...No ninja's for you. So don't even try.