Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Sex Baloney is more fun than a barrel of monkeys with yeast infections!

One of those strange hipster NYC pastimes that has become quite popular is the Hookah Bar. People pay for these hookahs and then sit there and smoke flavored tobacco and drink Turkish coffee. One of these places is located right next door to Csquat on Avenue C between 9th and 10th street. The owners of this place-Rico Cafe have always been nice to the squatters and there has never been any real problems between the two places..though it can get rowdy on the stoop of C squat some warm nights in the summer. I remember when they first opened they had a fancy welcome mat outside their store that somehow always seemed to end up in front of Csquats door every other day or so..but they never made a big deal of it.

So a few nights ago, Shayne, Jes, and I were sitting on Csquats stoop in search of shenanigans..The guy, Al, who it seems is watching the store for the owners is super friendly..When I heard from Jes that one of the tobacco flavors Rico's offered was called "Sex Baloney" I had to go over and snap a pic of their menu..Al got really happy that i was going to blog about his place so he invited me inside to take some pics of their decor..which includes very dim lighting, fancy lamps and lanterns hanging from the ceiling, and a really strange three dimensional painting of a face hanging on the wall. Hookah bars are really not my thing, but I have to say that the place was cozy, smelled really good, and had neat stuff to look at. Al informed that that the SEX BALONEY tobacco was a mixture of many flavors plus honey..He insisted on giving me a free Hookah so of course I picked the Baloney one..It tasted nice and kind of made us feel warm and fuzzy. Then we went back to drinking beer. The funniest part of the whole thing was when people we knew walked by and saw us sucking on the hookah and giggling.I still don't quite get the whole Hookah Bar thing, but Al is really nice and his place is kind of fun and weird, so if you love hookahs you should go there. Plus, the word hookah sounds a lot like the word hooker which kind of connects to the whole SEX BALONEY thing because of the word sex and also the phrase BALONEY PONY which is sometimes what a PENIS is called when people are trying to be clever. I have also heard people refer to VAGINAS as MEAT FLAPS or MEAT CURTAINS. Just thought I'd throw that in there.


  1. This keeps making me sing that song "I wish I was a Oscar Mayer Wiener cause that is what I truly want to be" well what ever I can't remember the rest and also She don't like fashions, she don't like phonies
    She don't like junkies, she don't like druggies
    She just wants my beef baloney

    Beef, beef beef, beef baloney (x4)

    She don't like salami, she don't want pastrami
    She don't want a chicken, she don't want a roast
    She just wants her double dose

  2. Hookahs??? Sex baloney??? Good times Eden! Good times for sure!!!! Like I always say,"don't threaten me with a good time!!!"....

  3. Oh?!! Wow! So hookahs and hookers are two different things!?! ..That explains why I was run out of that hookah bar last week! I thought they were just trying to be clever with local vernacular, and I wondered why they would spell it HOOKAH without enclosing the word in quotation marks to denote sarcasm/humor!! I actually feel better. I also wondered that if the owners were going to risk perpetuating stereotypes, why wouldn't they have just called it a "Ho' Bar"? Although, I justified that by thinking that "Hookah Bar" sounded better than "Ho' Bar." Interestingly, I was thrown out because I kept agitating the waiter by demanding he pronounce "hooker" correctly; and, at one point, I said, "'why are you over-emphasizing the O's in hooker?" (Pronounced like "whoookah"!) I tried asking him to pronounce "book", then hooker, by pointing to their sign, to no avail. Finally, I said, "okay, the guy who takes your money to bet on horses is called a what?'" Then, "the trick who takes your money after a sexual favor is called a _______?" looking encouraging after I paused...That's when they threw me right out?!? I remember thinking, "well, I saw some hookers but didn't actually talk to any or get any price quotes." I guess it is all for the best, and I saved some money!...Now see, again, I have gained insight into the world and a new-found understanding of past incidents that were really quite perplexing at the time. Thanks, again, dearest Eden!

  4. I watched three episodes of Family Guy the other night and there was this joke they kept repeating where characters were pronouncing H's for no reason in words that had no H's. How did you know this Brett? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!
    I used to eat beef boloney a lot when I was a kid-not the penis variety, but the meat kind. Isn't it spelled bologna? And my spell corrector accepting both spellings as correct. I'm so confused...just like when that hookah threw me out of the hooker bar.

  5. boloney=malarkey; bologna=that processed lunchen (I don't even think "lunchen" is a word, but isn't it fun?) meat. That said, my Oxford American dictionary says that "boloney" started out as a "corruption" of bologna; now, supposedly, it is a "variant" of bologna?!? Wehehehell, isn't that just dandy?!?! Sohohoho, I suppose if one is corrupting/corrupted long enough that becomes considered an acceptable variation! La di fricken da! You know, a lot of young people refer to dictionaries all the time to guide them, to mold their impressionable minds, and I feel these dictionaries are revealing a very questionable concept, here, don't you? I am going to call up the Oxford people and give them a piece of my mind!-P.S.-I was made to eat bologna and Spam when I was a poor urchin child, and I vowed then that when I grew up, as long as I drew breath, I would never let bologna and spam pass over my lips again! (For some reason, I keep saying "Baloneya" for bologna...I can't not say it any other way, this morning..."baloneya!" "Baloneya!") Crap!