Monday, May 11, 2009

Why is my cat retarded?

Okay, this is kind of funny but not really when you get three hours sleep..But John bought new sheets for us the other night and this has thrown my insane mexican cat Delgado into some kind of psychotic breakdown from which he may never recover from. I'm fucking serious! When we put the new sheets on at night he kind of stared at them and his eyes got bigger and bigger. Then he approached them and sniffed them for a minute..I guess cats are like dogs..they want their scent on all the stuff they see as theirs. Our dog Junior used to get really depressed when we washed his doggy bed and his scent was gone from it. Delgado started going mental..rolling in the damn sheets..biting them, ripping them apart with his claws. Our other cat Harlequinn who hates him even got into the act..racing around like a maniac all over the sheets..They kept John up all night in their sheet induced frenzied partying...It went on for hours and no matter how I tried to stop it..it was useless. Delgado would calm down for a bit-then notice the new sheets again and start meowing at the top of his lungs..I thought John was going to chuck him out the window.

Tonite I pulled the bed out extra early to give them time to get it out of their systems..Sure enough, Del freaked out again on the sheets for about two hours..I took some pics and now they are both passed out exhausted from sheet ecstasy. If Delgado would let anyone touch him besides me, I would consider paying for therapy for him. Imagine if I put the new sheets in his litter box? Made little kitty curtains for the cat box, with a matching area rug. It might just permanently BLOW HIS MIND!!!!

4 comments:

  1. Wow! Were those sheets made out of catnip or something?

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  2. I often think of Delgado's struggle with sanity, being that I have a background in psychology, and I often struggle with my own san...er, sense of a separate reality. Have you tried pheromone therapy? I was a caretaker for a rustic log cabin with a cat, two dogs and two birds, a couple years ago for a summer in Weaverville, N.C. (It was quite an experience, being that I had to acclimate the animals to the environment; they were city animals with no experience in a wilderness mountain-top home, and had to myself get used to living like a hermit mountain man while writing songs and stories for two festivals (which is why I was really there). Anyway, the cat was 17 yrs.old and had a malignant goiter (I was really pissed that the people I was house sitting for didn't put the cat to sleep before I was to take over for them); the birds-cockatiels-were way past crazy (I would be too if I were a bird in a cage); the cat couldn't take in food and water (the goiter was actually cutting off her trachea and esophagus) so I had to administer nutrients in a slurry through an eye dropper; the two dogs were freaking out because they didn't know what the crap was going on...I tamed the birds using a bird whistle, and I wore an unbuttoned flannel shirt when I entered the bird room, which I would grasp the tail of the shirt and flap it like I had wings. Between the two actions, the birds I guess thought I was the master bird who would benevolently bestow food on them twice a day. The cat died two weeks into the endeavor. I was glad for the cat--and sort of for me--but the people were devout Catholics: as I took the people to the airport, in the beginning of the odyssey, the woman remarked, when I inquired what they wanted me to do should the cat pass on, that she was sure God would not let the cat die! So now, think about it, not only did the cat die on my watch, but my presence was AGAINST God's will!!! The cat suffered so much in death, especially since I was about forty minutes away from the animal hospital. I called the emergency room, but then made the decision (what I consider was the most humane) to not take her because it was apparent that she couldn't breathe. Instead of having her die in the car in a more extreme trauma than just dying at home, I sat with her for about two minutes (what seemed like a protracted eternity) while she died...Sorry, really, Eden, I know I am taking forever to get the soul of this story...anyway, I tried pheromone treatment on the dogs (can be delivered through a type of diffuser or, in the case of my story, a pump spray bottle. It simulates that act of intermingling their funk with the funk of other animals, marking territory, changing hormonal flow as if they have been out hunting, etc. I don't quite know how to explain the science, as I have already taken up way too much space and time, here (a vet could do that for you if you ask), but I will say the dogs chilled out completely, and in a very healthy, normal way (not like being drugged up). I think this will help both Delgado and Harlequinn. It also helps with separation anxiety (for them, not you), and I am convinced that harmony will return your household!

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  3. you both are some much alike it is scary.

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  4. Delgado seems to have calmed down now..Brett..that story is fucked up! I feel bad for the kitty..I've hugged a few animals in my time that were being put down because they were dying. It sucked.

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