Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I'm crampy as hell so everyone must suffer!

Welps, I am on the rag as in MENSTRUATING so everyone sucks. No, not really but I feel like shit the past few days..I need some serious painkillers..like a mallet to the head! Anyway..I posted a wonderful cartoon of a tampon. Yeah, cause that's the kinda gal I am. Gross and offensive..The baby Jesus made me this way! My period makes me do weird stuff like right now i'm singing along to Tiny Dancer by Elton John and I feel all emotional.."Hold me closer, Tony Danza.." ...sniff...I want sheets of linen! And a pony still.

I haven't been hanging out too much but I did run into my friend Dave who has the best T-shirts on always..Then I saw the Starfucks on 2nd Avenue and 9th street has changed its name to STARBOFFEE. Good marketing campaign..it has a nice ring to it! Anyway, it's pouring out again tonite so i'll stay in and watch girly movies. I made John watch From Beyond last night after trying to watch a documentary about Alan Moore. I couldn't make it through all Moore's ramblings about magic..I agree with most of what he says and stuff..but he seems a bit of a megalomaniac..and completely insane. I guess i'm not in love with him anymore. Maybe he needs more STARBOFFEE or something..

10 comments:

  1. Jesus Christ and Shitty Napkins...er Tampons!
    I just LOVE Tommy the tampon! You could take him everywhere! Oh what fun he would be at Christmas...he would look so lovely on the tree!

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  2. Yes, You can put him atop where the star usually goes..and instead of popcorn-you can string up some anal beads! Alright, now i've really gone too far. Oh well!

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  3. Awh, man, sorry about the difficulties in the nether region; now I feel all guilty about swimming in Vicodin™ for my trivial little busted up hand and broken pinky. I mean, shit, it's not like I'm going to get a broken pinky like every month for the next twenty years! Although, if it meant getting Vicodin™ every month...hmmm?!?!?! ...anyway, to tell you the truth, I think all women should get Vicodin™ for menstrual cramps! It's the least those chauvinistic, paternalistic, medical stuffed-shirt assholes could do! Talk about megalo"man"iacal! Sure, as a man, I go to the doctor with my sissy little broken finger and he goes, "how many pain pills do you need?" You go to a "man" doctor about your cramps, and he acts like it's all in your head! Also, Why is it that all biological afflictions unique to women still have to have the "men" brand name on them? e.g., "men"opause, "men"struation, "men" ingitis...I know, I know, the last one shouldn't be on the list; it has to do with inflammation of the Adam's apple, but you see my point...

    It would be so cool if the sign on that coffee shop had TARB blackened out; then it would read SUCKS COFFEE! When they fix the sign, just maybe leave the slingshot and pebbles laying about, maybe have a little turn of the other check...and voila!

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  4. Stop teasing me with those trademark symbols..If I can't use them-NOBODY CAN!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! I HATE MEN!!!!!!!!! Just kidding...heheh.
    You left out the words MENopoly..What-women are too dumb to play??
    and also MENjamin Frankin..What-He wasn't a woman? Whatever! And MENtally retarded. What-I can't be mentally retarded too? WTF??
    I'm calling my congresswoman about all this..That dumb bitch. She better have my dinner on that table when I get home or they'll be hell to pay...If she's barefoot and pregnant that'll be a plus!

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  5. I meant FRANKLIN of course, but i'll leave it as is as proof of my retardation.

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  6. Just copy and paste them (™ ™ ™) and save them into a word doc, or wherever, for a later copy and paste!..Like MENjamin Frankin once said, 'a ™ saved is a ™ earned!' And, yes, most historians now agree, MENjamin Frankin was a woman who dressed in mens' clothes because, unfortunately, in Colonial times, women could not gain the same opportunities as men...of course, historians have always skirted (no pun intended...okay, maybe it was intended) the facts about the regular practice of cross-dressing among founders...an interesting side note: the new junior senator from Minnesota, Al Frankin, is a direct descendant of MENjamin; she was his great, great, great, great grandmother. Senator Frankin's sister is named after MENjamin. His real first name is Herbert, but he has been a Muslim ever since his SNL days...History ROCKS!!!

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  7. May I suggest watching this?

    http://tinyurl.com/anu5zc

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  8. Heh..Videos like that are why I'm so addicted to youtube. I mean..WTF??
    Brett, I guess I could cut and paste them but that sounds a lot like WORK. I love Al Frankin..I mean mALe Frankin! He rocks! And he admits to being a cross-dresser too..unlike those other phonies who hide their versace™ outfits and Prada™ bags in their closets. Those motherfuckers™ just can't admit™ who they really are!™ oh-it makes me™ so freaking™ ANGRY™!!!!!!

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  9. Now that's just plain good old-fashioned, new-fangled, some kinda super funny! Believe you me! And the really cool thing about using the "™" symbol is that nobody can use those words after without paying you a royalty! ...you'll be shit-slingin'™ rich!!!

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