Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sun so hot I froze to death..

I think I am getting paranoid about these SUKKAH lofts..I slept miserably last night, but went outside today in an optimistic mood.then I heard the faint jangle of Jewish sounding music in the distance..up 2nd Avenue..I started walking quickly and a hasidic jew holding a branch was running towards me! I raced across the street towards the library..No one else seemed to notice him..Then I saw the source of the music-an old man playing a casio keyboard in front of the meat market. I asked him if he was jewish and he looked at me oddly and said "NO." He was just playing some random tune..I have to get over this SUKKAH business and pull myself together. It's like The Sixth Sense, which starred a young Haley Joel Osment before he began drawing penis's(what's the plural of PENIS?) in the snow everywhere..I felt like whispering to the old man, "I see Jewish people. Walking around like regular people. They don't see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they're Jewish." Old Man: How often do you see them? Me, voice barely audible: All the time. They're everywhere. SCENE CUTS TO A SUKKAH WITH A SKULL AND CROSSBONES ON IT, BLOOD OOZING OUT OF THE OPEN, STRANGELY WELCOMING DOOR..Be Afraid!!!!!!!

Anycooch, here's another stall in the Tompkins bathroom..There seems to be a war brewing between the East Coast and West Coast Junkies in the park. Speaking of which..I saw a young crusty kid taken out of the bathroom in a stretcher..I think he was okay-he had an oxygen thing on his face. Yeesh. it's getting cold, kids. Go down south and stop doing drugs! How much of a good time can you have watching your friends going out in front of you. Bah.

There's the Casio Man in front of the Meat Market. He was swell. Then at Ray's, one of those annoying tour buses drove by with "Just Married" on the front of it..I thought the bus had just married another bus..but alas, some couple had probably tied the knot that day. I yelled out "Divorce coming in six months!" but everyone was cheering and yelling weird stuff at the bus so it was kinda loud. Jay and Melanie warned them that MOSHIACH was coming soon!

I also noticed an organic dry cleaning place has just opened on 9th st by Avenue A. What exactly do they do to your clothes? Who knows..But that woman orgasmically splashing hydrochloric acid on her face looks like a good time. And look at their happy fancy-pants customers! I like that sign-It seems vaguely threatening..YOU WILL BE NEXT!..Oh no!!! I just had a SUKKAH flashback,,Okay. I'm okay now...breathe in..breathe out..

Well, i've started answering ads on craigslist for extras acting work and stuff..If Angelina can do it, so can I! That should be fun to write about. And I'm waiting for my Mini-Chill free sample to arrive. I was contacted by their company today because they just LOVE my blog and are huge fans. I can't WAIT to review it. I think hijinks just may ensue...


  1. I don't WANT to know what the plural of penis is!!! ......SO, sounds like not only do you have I'M GONNA GET YOU SUKKAH all storyboarded and ready to go (looks like you even have some exterior shots picked out with the organic dry cleaners), you've been working on the screenplay to its sequel: THE SUKKAH SENSE! ('I see Jewish People!' ...that was funny.) I can well imagine the old man playing Klezmer on his Casio! ...Now, see, I have again learned something multicultural: I didn't even know your people HAD a returning Moshiach, let alone that he or she is coming SOON! I hope its a she! That last one was a he--and we all know how that turned out! ......."tie the knot"!! Isn't that a strange expression? I'm sure one gets "tied in knots" when one anticipates tying the knot! I like knowing the origin of expressions; I'll have to look that one up...............BE CAREFUL WITH the MiniChill™! It contains Relarian™!!!!!! ...I mean, MiniChill™ is G-r-r-r-reat! It contains RELARIAN™!!! I saw the ad; maybe it's just me, but who does their ad campaign? The "Relarian" business makes it sound like its made from minced synthetic clothing or kitchen tiles!! ...I hate Relarian; it doesn't breathe! Or, look at my new Relarian floor; spills are easy to clean! ...

  2. Ah, Sukkah. That's still my favorite Suzanne Vega song.

    "My name is Sukkah, I live on the second floor..."

  3. I think the plural is Rudimentary Peni. Brett. I drew out the whole film with stick people on a piece of toilet paper. I know this will impress the big boys of hollywood. So I have high hopes for this film! I even drew out the twist ending and everything-where the protagonist realizes that the call is coming from inside the SUKKAH!!! And then they all drink a Mini Chill and CHILLAX in their jewish Loft of Evil.
    I am getting a free case of Mini Chill, oh I can't wait! My dreams are coming true!
    Doesn't Suzanne Vega's step dad own that Community Center on Rivington Street? I think I worked for him once. I had to biuld a brick wall but me and my friend didn't stagger the bricks. It was this wavy, flimsy line of wall..hahahah. he was kinda a douchebag as I recall. he rented out spaces to artists that had asbestos all up in them..good Times!

  4. Side note, Goddess--that dry cleaners has been there for months already. Where you been? Too much time in Vagina?

  5. haha..has it? I guess i don;t walk down 9th st that much!