Friday, October 9, 2009

"That's how I got sick...Someone called me on the telephone!"

I had an interesting day today..Ended it by watching the Brian De Palma film SISTERS which surprisingly I hadn't seen yet..It wasn't a masterpiece..he kinda rips off a lot of other horror films..but I love his campy style..split screens and all..and I've always liked jennifer Salt since I love SOAP..and Kidder is hilarious..It was pretty entertaining with the highlight being a lunatic germaphobe who insists she got sick from germs transmitted through the telephone.

I just really had to do errands today, but somehow ended up at Union Square..I forgot what a circus it is in that park-I think i'll vend there this week..First, I was taught how to seduce difficult women..by these weird supermodels who were like 7 feet tall..I almost bought a kinda funny sign from the guy that sells tin signs there..but he yelled at me for taking a picture..I told him his signs were not antiques but it was cute how he tried to make them look old. He tried to say I was wrong until I pointed out the recent date on one that hadn't been scratched out..heheeh..I worked for this crazy guy once and my friends and I had to "antique" new signs for him..we scrubbed the dates off and added little flourishes of dirt and filth to make them seem old. This guy was a real character..he tried to shoot a porno at his house once and tried to make me help him get rid of this homeless girl whom he had brought home, realized was crazy and couldn't get seem to kick out. He wanted me to braid her hair and explain she had to go..I tried, but it didn't work. I think he called the cops eventually..He was nice to all us squatters though..we all worked for him and he was generous. He told me he liked me because he purposely left $20.00 in his bathroom as a test to see if I would take it. When I didn't steal from him, I was like his best friend. I remember seeing the $$$ and thinking how weird he was to leave cash all over his house..haha..

Then I got trapped in one of the Jewish Sukkah houses that have popped up all over downtown..They really can sense when you are a Jew..They all surrounded me yelling, "You're jewish! Come in here! Now!" I got really scared, so of course I went in. They got mad because they had me say a prayer or blessing or something, and I knew half the words but I guess I said them wrong. I kept asking if the loft was a public bathroom because I had to pee..then they made me shake these leaves and branches around all over the place..and they had some crayon drawing up in there with a hasidic jew in it....it was strange..I guess I'm a bad jew but I felt frightened and slightly scarred for life. I'll never look at a LULAV the same way again..sob!

Oh, and I put an old pic of T-Shirt Dave up too that I had forgotten to post..After I escaped the insane SUKKAH LOFT MADNESS I went to buy ANVIL at damn Barnes and Noble's..and Jeanette Walls, author of The Glass Castle was speaking..I like that book-it's a memoir of her life of poverty growing up with her siblings and crazy parents..who ended up living at 6th Street squat in NYC, so I know Jeannette's mom Rosemary whom the book is largely about. When I told Jeannette I had lived at Csquat for a long time she asked if I thought she spoke too unkindly about her mom..I told her I didn't really think so. I think they went on Oprah together about it or something after the book came out.. My hour of errands ended up taking about 6 hours..but I guess that's why I still love NYC despite the Fro-Yo and Ramenification going on which is simply disgusting..it's still an adventure for me just walking a few blocks, not knowing what I'll end up doing or who i'll run into.

Anyway, the moral of all this is that the telephone made me get sick!!!!

8 comments:

  1. Oh, no! I'm starting to sneeze and cough just reading this!

    I thought the 'Jewish Sukkah' story was funny. I laughed out loud when you said you were really scared so you went in. It made it like a B horror movie. That would actually BE a good horror movie: a woman is traumatized when visiting a Sukkah then exacts her revenge on them!!! call it I'm Gonna Get You Sukkah! ...I wonder if they ever serve Sukkah-tash?

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  2. Haha..It felt like a B movie..much like SISTERS really without all the sideshow freaks and telephone germs..THAT'S HOW I GOT SICK-I HAD TO SHAKE THE LULAV!!!!
    Haha..I'm gonna get you SUKKAH simply has to happen..I have an audition tomorrow and I am going to pitch the idea. You will get crdeit of course, Brett..No pay, non-union, credit. You may take one grape from Kraft Services.

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  3. i love you
    next year jerusalmem
    happy k day
    b. screwanova

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  4. If I just say I'm Jewish, can I get a peek in the Sukkah tent, too, or will I be found out and banished to Governor's Island?

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  5. You can try, but somehow THEY WILL KNOW!!!!
    They were everywhere today. I belive they are following me. They are all seeing and all knowing! If they figure out your plan, you may end up like Typhoid Mary...having a whole island paradise to yourself!

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  6. Glass Castles is an amazing book! I don't read many memoirs, but it was recommended to me and I loved it. We're actually considering it as a possible title for our community read event next year. Not sure what Jeanette's rates for speaking are, and we don't have much moola for the program... but it would be a fantastic choice.

    xxxooo

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  7. Ya, good book. I think Jeanette is on a book tour for her new book about her grandmother..When I was in Richmond VA, the paper there said she was coming to speak soon..

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