Saturday, September 4, 2010

I freakin' got mugged by 14 year olds today.

Yes, I am serious. Today I was sitting in Tompkins Square Park texting someone and a group of really young teenagers were circling me checking out what kind of phone I had...A two year old iphone it 'twas..sniff..I figured they were gonna jump me because they were being really obvious about it..So I got up and crossed Avenue B..where instincts told me to walk to the bodega on 1oth and just get away from them until they found another fake blonde to mess with..but I'm just SO darn street smart that I thought i'd make it to Avenue C before they got me..Nope! One of the kids-he was a kid to me anyway, since i'm old as dirt..pretended to talk on his phone to seem nonchalant..I sped up and started to put my phone away and I got a smack on the head, a small push, and everything fell out of my bag..I tried to not let go of my phone but what can I say? THEY HAD MUTANT SUPER HUMAN STRENGTH!!! No, actually I weigh like 96 lbs and am five feet tall. I gave chase for three damn blocks almost then realized that was probably not the brightest thing to do..I am just so broke and I was so mad..I kept yelling, "I have no money! Just gimme my phone back dick!" But there were like 8 of them and they kept blocking me. P'shaw.
Anyway the only thing to do was to drown my sorrows at Mars Bar where after a few hours it kinda seemed funny when I thought about it..These kids trying to get the pink case off my girly phone and getting chased by a yelling fake blonde while the entire 3 block radius of people kept asking me if I was okay. I assured them I was fine-I just REALLY liked my phone. Anybitch, yeah..I'm so old school NYC that I still get mugged! I was told I am the most cheerful person that has ever been mugged before when I was joking about it at the bar..Heh. Life, never a dull moment. I kinda wish there would be a dull moment for a minute or two but I have a chaos angel watching over me it seems who has the same sense of humor I have..and makes sure I am not allowed any normal, ordinary moments in this lifetime. Maybe in the next i'll be a reclining Buddha.
Well, nothing left to say except here are some lovely pics that reflect my mood..So yeah, any pals reading this: I don't have a cell phone, hopefully will by tomorrow!


  1. What?!?!? A mugging in Alphabet City!?!?! Man, that is so 1984!!! Well...we are just glad you are all right...What is it with these young hooligans nowadays, hanging around their pool halls and drinking their bathtub gin from a boot flask? Nothing good can come of that, believe you me!!! If I'd been there, I'd have given them a good lashing with my walking cain and a stern talking to!!! I guess they just didn't realize how their behavior reflects on their parents! I say ship them off to the Merchant Marines, the whole lot of them!! That'll nip those shenanigans in the bud!!!

  2. Damn. That sucks. Sorry to hear this. What time of day/night was it?

  3. It was around 10pm I guess...Next they'll be trying to make off with my moonshine!

  4. Not cool! I'll keep an eye out for these punks...and give them a dose of "old school" when I see them... :(

  5. Shit. Those iPhones bring evil down upon us.
    Sorry dear.

  6. #1. What kinda blues singer are you not to have a derringer in your garter belt? Put a hole in one of them punks and they'll never victimize anyone again.

    #2. I hope you had a passcode lock on the phone and if you didn't before DO IT NOW.

    #3. I'm serious about the derringer.